What We Control

Many problems result when we attempt to control that which is outside of our control.

• Stephen R Covey’s Circles of Influence help to recognize areas that you can control or influence, and things that you cannot.
• Emotional Competency-What You Can Change and What You Cannot
• Part of the Serenity Prayer is about recognizing the difference. Printable version.

Which of these things do you think is within your control?

• Thoughts
• Where we were born
• Actions
• Race
• Values
• Age
• Education
• Intelligence
• Feelings
• Birth family
• Wellness
• Health
• Ourselves
• Physical attributes
• Others
• Weather
• Traffic

Things within our control include our own words, actions and thoughts.

• Speech: how we communicate, what we say
• Actions: what we do
• Thoughts: what we think

Although there are many things outside of our control, that does not mean we are powerless. We may be able to influence some things like:

• Wellness: health may be influenced by choices for diet and exercise
• Emotions: feelings are influenced by thoughts and actions
• Beliefs: beliefs can be influenced by our perceptions
• Skills: we can learn to use and develop strengths

In Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, Albert Ellis shows how our feelings come from the thoughts we think. Learn how to understand emotions with REBT.

We can grow with personal development to:

• Be couragous
• Rally strengths and develop self-esteem
• Add agency
• Value a growth mindset
• Expect and overcome obstacles
• Rely on resilience

With awareness, we can choose to be CHAMPS at influence with:

• Communication
• Habits
• Actions
• Mindset
• Perceptions
• Self-talk

We do not control others, but communication skills let us SHAPE situations by:

• Setting limits
• Helping others and sharing information
• Asking for what we want
• Persuading and influencing with appeal
• Expressing opinions

Although we don’t control everything, this doesn’t mean we can’t set goals and work towards them. It does mean learning to accept that there will be obstacles and problems in life that can affect outcomes. The alternative is to drift aimlessly without attempting to shape life.

This is one of the weekly activities for a Year of Personal Development.

About dailyplanit

I seek to create order from the chaos of complex information. Join me at the Daily PlanIt to gain insights, inspiration, and information to increase skills for a better life. I unlock the power of teaching reading with phonics in the pursuit of literacy at www.phonicspow.com. In my spare time I explore books and movies, often choosing titles available on both screen and page.