Manage Anger

Emotional – Activity: Manage Emotions

Self regulation of emotions is a part of emotional intelligence. First learn to pause to identify emotions, then choose to respond in thoughtful ways. When emotions are triggered by a perceived threat, they can be particularly difficult to manage. A fight or flight response can be the result. It is important to understand how the brain reacts to threat.

Emotions and the Brain

Watch: Emotions and the brain

• The amygdala (primitive brain) has an instantaneous response to fear or anger
• A flood of chemicals creates physical reactions: increased heart rate, fast breathing
• The thinking part of the brain is no longer accessible. Rational thought is not possible until chemical flooding subsides
• The body takes about 20 minutes to return to normal after a full fight or flight response. Psychology Today

Ways to manage emotions

• Recognize emotions in the body.
• Expect to take a mental pause to insert thought: Stop – Observe – Shift
• Stop and take a break until chemical flooding subsides.
• Practice coping skills like deep breathing, self-talk, or going for a walk.
• Observe thoughts and beliefs about the situation to understand emotions. Check the validity of assumptions and dispute irrational thoughts.
• Next, adopt a growth mindset and view problems as challenges.
• Develop resilience and don’t take things personally. (see the 4 agreements)

Fight – the anger response

Anger is a normal emotion that can cause problems when it is not handled correctly. We feel anger when we perceive unfair treatment, or are threatened or prevented from reaching our goals. When we handle anger correctly, we address unfair treatment without harming others.

• The physiological responses that come with anger can include: headaches, a clenched jaw, flushed face, tense shoulders, a fast pulse and racing heart, fast and shallow breathing.
• Be aware of the feelings that are underlying the anger. Dr. Phil says, “Anger is nothing more than an outward manifestation of hurt, fear, or frustration.”
• Use I statements if you choose to express your feelings.
• How the Brain Works with Anger

When someone else is angry

• Conflict Resolution Emergency Kit
• Dale Carnegie-say “I understand you’re upset. We’ll talk when you feel better.”

Resources:

• Mayo Clinic
• APA
• The Amygdala Bypass System at Changing Brains
• Anger Management at Helpguide.org
• Anger Management & a Quiz at Mindtools.com
• Printable Dealing With Negative Emotions
• Shifting Emotions Exercise (pdf) from the University of Minnesota
• The Right Way to Get Angry from The Greater Good Science Center
• How to Deal with Anger from goodtherapy.org

Books (Amazon affiliate links provide a small commission that helps to support the Daily PlanIt):

• “Why We Get Mad” by Ryan Martin, TED talk Why we get mad, and why it’s healthy
• “How to Control Your Anger Before It Controls You” by Albert Ellis
• “Taking Charge of Anger” by Dr. Robert Nay

Flight – the Fear Response

Fear can also be triggered when there is a perceived threat. Learn more about the fear response at Cultivating Courage.

Learn more at the Power of a Pause for Positive Shift

This week if I feel anger, I will notice physiological changes and take a mental pause to understand what caused the anger and how to respond. I will practice deep breathing and other calming techniques. I will use a worksheet to analyze a situation when I was angry.

This is one of the weekly activities for a Year of Personal Development

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I seek to create order from the chaos of complex information. Join me at the Daily PlanIt to gain insights, inspiration, and information to increase skills for a better life. I unlock the power of teaching reading with phonics in the pursuit of literacy at www.phonicspow.com. In my spare time I explore books and movies, often choosing titles available on both screen and page.