Relationships – Activity: Do a Needs Analysis

This week, do a needs analysis to understand them and how they fit into relationships. A part of relationships can be an exchange of meeting needs in different life areas. For example, in the mental area, you may meet your need to learn by taking classes, watching the news and reading. Your need to learn will be enhanced by sharing ideas and conversation in a relationship, and you may be meeting their need for the same thing. If this need is equally important and equally met, both will be happy. When relationships fail to meet the needs of either or both, trouble can follow. Dr Harley talks about emotional needs at MarriageBuilders.com.

While we strive to meet needs ourselves, we may request for a need to be met by others, and they may request needs to be met by us. When thinking about needs, it’s important to understand what we control. When our needs conflict with the needs of others, it’s time to explore ways to compromise or take turns. Clearly, nobody gets everything they want, and there is a middle ground between not asking for (or sometimes even knowing) what you want, and insisting on getting everything you want. In a relationship, we must consider the needs of each person. This is the challenge of relationships.

When needs are identified and communicated, there is a better chance that they may be met. Understanding the needs of both partners is important for relationships. In Maslow’s hierarchy, as basic needs are met, higher needs become more important. We have needs in various areas and in different levels of intensity.

Possible Needs in Different Life Areas

• Mental (to learn): information, challenges, freedom
• Spiritual (to grow): meaning, purpose, principles, character
• Emotional (to give & receive): recognition, respect, affection, support, understanding, kindness
• Relationship (to share): appreciation, consideration, love, romance
• Social (to connect): interaction with others, communication, friendship, family, belonging
• Physical (to care for): food, shelter, rest, exercise
• Financial (to work): contribution, achievement, security, abundance
• Recreational (to enjoy): fun, new experiences

Understand the difference between wants and needs

• A need is a necessity, something you must have.
• A want is a desire, something you want to have.

While needs are a necessity, and wants are desires, there are different levels of importance, and sometimes a want is so strong that it can feel like a need.

Need-O-Meter

Functional needs are described by Bob Murray and Alicia Fortinberry in the book “Creating Optimism” as:

1. Expressed in concrete terms
2. Appropriate to the relationship
3. Use action words
4. Doable

Read more at Creating Optimism and Meeting Needs With Love

Expressing needs in concrete terms:

In [this] area I need [what], at an importance level of [high, medium, low], which will be met by doing [what]  [when] [how much] [for how long].

Print the Needs Worksheet available at the Daily PlanIt Shop to do a needs analysis. Both people in a relationship can then fill one out to compare and discuss.

An Example Needs Worksheet

Read Difference Between Needs and Wants at keydifferences.com, 6 human needs from Tony Robbins, Needs Inventory at cnvc.org.

This is one of the weekly activities for a Year of Personal Development.

Relationships – Activity: Know what you want

Whether you are already in a relationship, or looking for someone special, it’s important to know what you want.

Looking for someone special?

Begin by listing the top qualities you are looking for, then develop those qualities in yourself!

Consider what is important to you in different life areas:

Next get out and meet people:

• Try activities that interest you
• Tell friends and family you are looking
• Attend church
• Take a class
• Online singles sites

A SMART Goal to meet someone: I will go someplace new and start a conversation with a new person who interests me at least once a week

Get to know them: 276 questions to ask before you marry

How to Find Lasting Love from Helpguide.org

Already in a relationship?

• Know your Emotional Needs – Dr Harley’s Marriage Builders
• Know your Love Languages – Dr Gary Chapman | printable loving actions
• Know the Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work – John Gottman
• How well do you know each other? – About.com
• Remember often the qualities you love about your partner, and let them know.
• Choose loving actions – the different kinds of love – love books

Important skills for all relationships:

• Know yourself & your needs
• Develop self-esteem
• Emotional Intelligence
• Communicate well
• Understand what you can change and what you can’t

This is one of the weekly activities for a Year of Personal Development.

Social – Activity: Develop Your Self-Esteem

Photo by Tirachard Kumtanom on Pexels.com

Strong self-esteem is the foundation of good relationships, including your relationship with yourself! The good news is that many of the activities of a Year of Personal Growth help to develop self-esteem!

MIND

• Set and accomplish realistic goals
• List your strengths in a SWOT analysis
• Create a vision board and visualize success (see also How to Build Self-Esteem)
• Keep a success file and remind yourself of your achievements
• Reward yourself for accomplishments
• Focus on personal development

HEART

• Develop supportive relationships
• Set boundaries
• Know what you control
• Know your rights and responsibilities
• Accept responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, and actions
• Be involved in activities in the community
• Be aware of feelings and express them responsibly
• Realize if you are here, you are loved

BODY

• Improve your posture and practice power poses to stand tall
• Practice self-care activities
• Learn how to handle stress with deep breathing and other coping skills
• Plan fun and relaxing activities for yourself

SOUL

• Act as if you are self-confident
• Uplift yourself with kindness and positive self-talk
• Meet your healthy needs
• Forgive yourself when you make a mistake
• Ask for help when you need it

Book: “The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem” by Nathaniel Brandon

Practice THE SIX PILLARS OF SELF-ESTEEM
1. The Practice of Living Consciously
2. The Practice of Self-Acceptance
3. The Practice of Self-Responsibility
4. The Practice of Self-Assertiveness
5. The Practice of Living Purposefully
6. The Practice of Personal Integrity

TOOLS

• Watch Amy Cuddy TED Talk on body language
• Listen to Guided Meditation by Tara Brach
• Listen to audio “Whispers of Love” words by don Miguel Ruiz, author of the Four Agreements
• Listen to audio Unhelpful Thinking

This is one of the weekly activities for a Year of Personal Development.

Social: Acts of Kindness

When we perform acts of kindness, it uplifts both others and ourselves. Uplift is one of the building blocks of positive shift. Light up someone’s life with these ideas for random acts of kindness.

• Be kind and give a compliment.
• Express concern for someone who looks lonely.
• Hold the door for someone.
• Offer directions to someone who looks lost.
• Let someone in front of you in line if there are no others waiting.
• Decorate a car with a balloon.
• Leave some quarters taped to a vending machine or washing machine in a laundromat.
• Arrange a surprise for someone to find. Put some cash in a box of diapers for a parent to find.
• Mow a neighbor’s yard, or rake leaves.
• Pay anonymously for someone’s coffee or meal.

Many of these ideas cost little or nothing, but result in positive feelings for everyone involved that are priceless. Find more ideas for simple gifts at Sharing is Caring and Gifts of Appreciation. Plan for donating to a cause you believe in at 12 Ways to Give.

I will do something nice for a friend every day this week. I will spend my time & attention, or give small gifts like a card, candy, or a flower. I will also perform an act of kindness for a stranger.

Download a Random Acts of Kindness Bookmark (pdf)

Need more ideas?

Go to Random.org and get a number between 1 and 20. Then go to this list and perform the Random Act of Kindness for that number.

• 30 Small Acts of Kindness from prolificliving.com
• 88 ways to make a stranger smile from marcandangel.com
• 109 Random Acts of Kindness from wisebread.com
• There are lots of ideas at Kindspring.org, Passiton, and Random Acts of Kindness.

This is one of the weekly activities for a Year of Personal Development.

Social – Activity: Develop a Support System

People are social beings, and connection with others is an important part of our lives. #4 of Lessons for Living from Psychology Today, is SOCIAL NETWORKS MATTER. While Facebook is a helpful way to maintain connections with lots of people, sometimes we need deeper connections that require more care to develop.

This week, don’t wait – relate. Plan to cultivate relationships. Stay Connected with this free printable of ideas for actions you can take.

Stay Connected

Close Friends & Immediate Family (Spouse, children, mother, father, sisters, brothers)

• Converse: try some Conversation Starters
• Add fun activities and games
• Reserve a date night or kids night out
• Explore Seasonal bucket lists

Friends & Extended Family (cousins, aunts & uncles, nephews)

• Conversation Bingo
• Simple gifts
• Attend reunions or holiday get togethers

Acquaintances (Club members, co-workers, classmates, etc.)

• Join a group
• Volunteer
• Bring a snack
• Candy gifts of appreciation
• Go for coffee

Professional Support System (Teachers, Doctors, other paid service providers and agencies)

• Holiday card
• Thank-you card
• Candy gifts of appreciation

Brighten Their Day!

Communicate:

• Facebook post
• Call
• Send an email, card, or letter
• Celebrate special occasions
• Send thank-you notes
• Go for coffee

A little higher level of attention:

• Perform a Random Act of Kindness
• Help with something they need
• Visit
• Share hobbies and interests
• Start conversations
• Attend a conference and network

For your closest relationships:

• Use a Jar O Love with activities for their Love Language
• Plan to entertain and invite to dinner

Friendships are like flowers in the garden of life, which require care to flourish. We develop and maintain connections with attention and appreciation. The amount of time spent and level of connection will depend on the closeness of the relationship. Relationships, like conversation, consist of a well balanced give and take.

This is one of the weekly activities for a Year of Personal Development.

Social– Activity: Make Connections

Tim Sanders describes an exercise from his book “The Likeablity Factor” in a post on his blog, Sanders Says, called “Develop a Sincere Interest.” It’s a great way to make connections with the people in your life. Here’s a summary of the steps:

1. Write down the names of your most frequent contacts.
2. Write down the interests and hobbies they are passionate about. If you’re not sure, ask them.
3. Write down the interests and hobbies you are passionate about. The exercise in my post on quality leisure may be helpful.
4. Note any instersections of shared passions.
5. Note any contact interests you might enjoy trying yourself.
6. Note intersections of shared interests between your contacts who may not know each other, and introduce them.

see also Tim Sander’s FiveByFive Exercise: Connect at the passion2passion level

This is one of the weekly activities for a Year of Personal Development.

Social: Communicate Well

Communication is Number One of the Skills Employers Want, and also vital to the relationships in our personal life. To learn how to communicate well, explore these links to online courses, videos, and other resources to master the skill of communication.

I will dedicate _____ (time) every day this week to learn about the communication process, and practice the skills.

More Resources:

• Communication process at Don Clark Leadership
• Communication at Mindtools
• How to Improve Communication at Free Management Library
• Workplace Communication at gcflearnfree.org
• Express Emotions with I Statements
• Communication Skills at the Daily PlanIt Wiki
• The Communication Process at the Daily PlanIt Shop.

This is one of the weekly activities for a Year of Personal Development. Learn more about the communication process at Skills Employers Want: #1 Communication.

Learn more at Listening Skills, Conversation Bingo at A Networking Game Card, and Cultivating Relationships.

See also the Daily PlanIt Youtube playlist on Communication | Daily PlanIt Pinterest board on Communication