Emotional – Activity: Understand Emotions

Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is a form of cognitive behavior therapy developed by Albert Ellis. Learn more about Cognitive Behavior Therapies at Creating Clarity. With this method we gain an understanding of how our beliefs about events lead to our emotions.

Activating Event ▪→ Beliefs → Consequences +→

• Activating Event
• Beliefs
• Consequences

If our beliefs are based on irrational thoughts, consequences may be negative. But we can insert a mental pause with the SOS method to ask questions and choose more effective rational thoughts for a more positive outcome.

Ask ▪→ Begin to dispute irrational thoughts → Choose effective rational thoughts +→

Ask: Use the SOS technique to insert a mental pause to identify emotions and ask questions:

• What are my feelings?
• Am I seeing this clearly?
• Is this a rational thought? Is it logical and reasonable?
• Is it true? Is it accurate?
• What are the facts? Is there evidence?
• Am I exaggerating or over-reacting?
• Am I mistaken to take this personally?
• Is this an overly pessimistic view?

Begin to dispute irrational thoughts. Some common cognitive distortions:

1. All-or-Nothing Thinking
2. Overgeneralizing
3. Discounting the Positive
4. Jumping to Conclusions
5. Mind Reading
6. Fortune Telling
7. Magnifying (Catastrophising) or Minimizing
8. Emotional Reasoning
9. Should Statements
10. Labeling and Mislabeling
11. Personalizing

Choose to substitute effective rational thoughts:

• feelings are caused by beliefs and thoughts, not by events
• not everyone will love me
• nobody is perfect
• there are reasons for behavior
• the universe wasn’t created for me
• worry is not helpful (but planning can be)
• facing problems is better than avoidance and denial
• learn from the past while moving forward
• change is possible

This week, I will notice how my feelings, beliefs and thoughts are connected. I will print an REBT self help form and use it each day. I will replace irrational beliefs and thoughts with rational ones.

Download the ABCs of REBT worksheet (pdf) Watch a video about the ABCDE Model. (6:35)

Knowing what you are thinking is a part of Creating Clarity. One of the Four Agreements is to Be Impeccable With Your Words. Uplift yourself with honest self-talk using REBT.

learn more about understanding emotions:

• Jennifer Willis TED talk What’s Your Frame?
• Printable REBT self help form (pdf)
• The Feedback Loop at becomingbetter.org
• Practical Lesson: ABCDEF worksheet from jayuhdinger
• www.getselfhelp.co.uk

This is one of the weekly activities for a Year of Personal Development and part of the series on emotional intelligence.

This Emotional Life information and series on PBS is a great resource on emotions.

Emotional – Activity: Identify Emotions

Feelings come in a wide variety of types and intensity. Emotions may be painful when our needs are not met, or pleasurable when needs are met. Learning to increase awareness to recognize the emotions we are feeling is an important skill to develop our emotional intelligence. [Learn more about emotional intelligence]

Emotions in the Body

Physical sensations can provide clues to what we are feeling emotionally. It can be easier to get irritated when hot, or to be distracted when cold. Temperature is one of the physical indicators of emotions. So are breath and heart rates, which can increase with painful emotions of fear or anger, and sometimes when we feel brave or in love. Paying attention to tension and posture is also important to identify feelings. We tend to clench muscles when emotions are painful, and to stand upright with head up and shoulders back when emotions are pleasurable. When our needs are not satisfied, we may feel drained of energy, and when they are satisfied we often feel full of energy. These are not the only ways that emotions manifest in the body, but awareness of these is a good place to start. Learn more at the Wheel of Awareness.

RATE these key physical indicators to identify your feelings:

• Rates: breath & heart
• Assess posture
• Temperature & tension
• Energy levels

Scan the body, starting at the top and moving downward to check head, chest, shoulders, and the rest of the body. Pay attention to aches and pains. Head: do you feel tight and tense, or relaxed? Neck and shoulders: are you slumped or upright? Chest: is your breath and heart rate fast, or slow? Body: do you feel hot or cold? tired and drained, or energized?

To manage emotions, it can help to gain control of rates with biofeedback, deep breathing, and meditation. For better posture, stretch and strengthen muscles and practice power poses (see Amy Cuddy’s TED Talk). Practice self care and other coping skills to manage stress and increase energy. Strong self-esteem makes managing emotions easier.

Recognize the emotions that these physical signs may be indicating. Signs of anger can include…hot or flushed face, clenched jaw, tense and tight shoulders, fast breath and heart rate, shaking or jerky body movements, clenched fists. Some of these may also indicate anxiety, stress, or fear. Recent research has created body maps showing where and how emotions are felt. See what they have discovered at this NPR article and at greatist.com. The Emotions Sensations Wheel at lindsaybraman.com is also helpful for this.

Naming Emotions

When needs are satisfied, we feel: happy, love, courageous, strong, and engaged. When needs are not satisfied, we feel: sad, hate, feear, anger, and disengaged. Many words are used to describe feelings, which can vary in intensity. The following tools can help to clarify emotions.

Tools to Identify Emotions

• Emotions Color Wheel
• Feelings Wheel printable pdf from the Gottman Institute
• Printable Mood Diary pdf from http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/
• Printable Feelings Chart at the Daily PlanIt Shop

SMART goal:

This week, I will print a feelings chart and mood diary, and each evening note what I’ve been feeling during  the day.

Resources for identifying emotions

• More tools are at the Emotional Intelligence Pinterest board
• How to recognize emotions from oohc toolbox
• Emotions are physical at psychcentral
• The Importance of Checking In with your Body at thethrivecenter.org
• The 5 Rs of Resilience at thethrivecenter.org
• Guide to the Best Habit and Mood Tracking Apps at tech.co
• Emotional Intelligence, Anger Management, and Quick Stress Relief at Helpguide
• Recognizing Emotions at www.emotionalcompentency.com
• Emotional Style Quiz at University of Wisconsin-Madison
• Noticing emotions meditation http://www.self-compassion.org/noting.practice.MP3
• The book The Heart of the Soul: Emotional Awareness” by Gary Zukav

More on Emotional Intelligence, Resilience, and the Coping Skills Toolkit

More activities for a Year of Personal Development

Spiritual – Activity: Practice the Four Agreements

Read “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz.

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word. This means speaking the truth to yourself as well as to others.
2. Don’t Take Anything Personally.
3. Don’t Make Assumptions.
4. Always Do Your Best.

I will print this summary of the Four Agreements (found here) and carry it with me this week to remind me to practice them.

Review this Introductory Video to the Four Agreements (3:42) at www.miguelruiz.com.

A nice summary at highexistence.com.

This is one of the weekly activities for a Year of Personal Development.

• Check your environmental skills
• Make a pledge to go green
• Learn more with guides at Eartheasy.com
• Have fun with crafts and games at PlanetPals.com

I will make a written pledge of at least seven actions that I will take this week that will help the Earth’s environment. I will sign it and do one (or more) action each day.

This is one of the weekly activities for a Year of Personal Development.

Spiritual – Activity: Examine Beliefs

“An unexamined life is not worth living” -Socrates

Belief:

Beliefs may be either spiritual or mental. Either way, the key question is: What are your guiding principles? They are connected to the values that you hold to be important.

Examples: Many religions provide guiding principles. For examples of more guiding principles see Desiderata,  Ben Franklin’s Governing Values, Rotary’s Four Way Test, and Don Miguel Ruiz’s Four Agreements.

Tools to Examine Spiritual Beliefs:

What’s Your Spiritual Type? at Beliefnet.com, and the Big Religion Chart at Religionfacts.com.

See also Examine Your Mental Beliefs, Part Four of Discover U in Ten Steps.

This is one of the weekly activities for a Year of Personal Development. Studies show that those with a spiritual practice or religious beliefs tend to be happier than those who don’t. Spirituality is one of the building blocks of positive shift.

Physical – Activity: Increase Energy LevelsEnergy is one of the resources we need to accomplish goals. Some great ways to increase energy levels are covered in some of  the activities in A Year of Personal Growth (category feed here). To MASTER energy:

• Manage with music
• Add exercise
• Select healthy food
• Try deep breathing
• Explore meditation
• Recharge with self-care

Tony Schwartz, author of “The Way We’re Working Isn’t Working” and co-author of “The Power of Full Engagement,” argues that it is better to manage energy than time. Time is finite, while energy can be expanded. An article at verbaltovisual summarizes this. Find the TED talk and more books and videos at Learn about Productivity. Explore more ways to increase energy levels at MichaelHyatt.com and Effective ways to regain energy at Greatist.com.

Discover your peak time for thinking and creative work so you can use it well. A way to do this is to  Chart Energy Levels with a Time Log for a week to pinpoint times when energy may be high or low. Pause to notice energy levels, use your prime time to tackle demanding tasks, and when energy is low, take a break and uplift yourself with activities that energize you.

This is one of the weekly activities for a Year of Personal Development.

You may also want to use the Life Area Energy Gauge to get an overview of energy levels in 12 areas of life. Time and energy are limited resources. Some tasks require healthy amounts of both! See: Why We Procrastinate