The authors are partners in KNP Communications, a firm specializing in presentation coaching and communications strategy for corporate and political clients. They conclude that people who are the most effective at influencing others possess the ability to project both strength and warmth, a task that can be difficult. Communicating these two qualities can be at odds, and those who are compelling can swiftly switch between them.
Strength=competence, confidence, mastery
Warmth=likeability, interest, belonging
Strength and warmth can only be conveyed if they are genuine. This book shows how we can remove obstacles that prevent us from 1)being aware of strength and warmth and 2)expressing them well. We can improve how we connect with emotions and align our actions for authentic expression of them.
Body language plays a large role, and posture is key in projecting strength. Standing tall is often half the battle. Prior to situations where we wish to project strength, we can stretch up and out. The TED Talk by Amy Cuddy: Your body language shapes who you are describes how this works.
A smile with flinty eyes conveys strength, and a smile with a twinkle in the eyes conveys warmth. Strength and warmth are energies, and to better convey them we can psych up our energy level by connecting with memories that remind us of a time we felt strong and warm. We can play or think of music that evokes those feelings. We can learn from watching others who excel at this and notice their body language, voice and message.
In presentations stories naturally project strength and warmth together. Stories work best when they feature people doing and feeling things, moral dilemmas, good and bad characters. When done well, humor can also be helpful.
The best way to be our own coach and improve is to record our efforts while practicing.
When we connect and express our strength and warmth, we become compelling to ourselves and to others too.
It is a basic economic principle that the benefit or value of a product or service must exceed the resources required to obtain it in order for it to be chosen. In other words, if we think the price is too high for the perceived value, we aren’t going to buy it, regardless of what is exchanged in order to get it. Another principle is that choices have intended and unintended consequences which lie in the future. Let’s consider these principles as applied to the goal setting process to gain insight into the choices we make.
A couple of things have come my way recently that have made me stop and say…
“Wait, What? Pain is involved?”
The motivational video “Why Do We Fall” says “It’s not about how hard you get hit, it’s about how hard you get hit and keep moving forward.”
This quote from Prolific Living says “It will hurt. It will take time and dedication and willpower. It will require sacrifice. There will be temptation (to quit) but when you reach your goal, it will have been worth it. So don’t quit. Don’t fuss or whine or complain. Just Keep Hustling.”
Humans do their best to avoid pain, and seek pleasure. Yet reaching goals can require us to embrace temporary pain in pursuit of the long-term pleasure of accomplishing the goal. We have to believe it is worth it, or we will likely give up when we encounter hardships and obstacles. To achieve the satisfaction that comes from a job well done means developing agency. To contribute and to excel means going above and beyond to challenge yourself.
In Freudian psychology, the pleasure principle is the instinctual seeking of pleasure and avoiding of pain in order to satisfy biological and psychological needs. But to achieve success in some endeavors like sports, pain can be a part of the process to reach the goal. It takes strength to take on that kind of challenge. It takes the ability to delay gratification and keep focused on the long term result.
Anything worth doing takes effort. By definition, reaching for a goal is not going to be easy. When you know what you want to do, and how to do it, you must want it enough to commit to it. And that often means getting up and out of your comfort zone. I need to remember this to get me going above and beyond the path of least resistance. It reminds me of the scene in the movie “Stand and Deliver” based on the true story of teacher Jaime Escalante where he tells his students, “you’ve got to have the desire!” …enough desire to get you past inertia and over the hurdles that stand between you and the goal. You’ve got to have the grit to keep going even when the going gets tough.
The benefit of a goal must exceed the resources required to obtain it.
I want to apply these thoughts to a couple of examples. The first one that comes to mind is working out. Working out requires a commitment of several resources. You have to take the time to get up and go do it. People often don’t view it as that pleasurable a thing to do. (At least, I don’t) It doesn’t have to cost money, but you might invest in a gym membership, a dvd, or equipment. It’s just much easier not to do it. Even though I knew I could gain strength, lose weight, and probably look better, it wasn’t enough to overcome inertia. My husband did something that tipped the scales in favor of my perceived value of working out. He described with great enthusiasm how aerobic exercise works. He promised me I would gain more energy and feel better by making the effort to work out. And I wanted that enough to commit to the goal. I probably would not have made the investment of resources to commit to this goal if not for being educated by him about the value of it. When I clearly saw all of the pros, their significance grew to outweigh the cons. The benefits of working out tipped the balance, becoming greater than the cost of achieving it. I now focus on how good I feel when I work out, and not on the time and effort it takes.
Another example is starting your own business. The costs are substantial: investing in acquiring the skills needed, investment of time, money and hard work, taking a risk. The benefits can also be great: independence, challenge, and hopefully, financial success. It’s an undertaking only chosen by those who believe the benefits outweigh the cost of the goal.
To make intelligent choices, we need to be educated about the true value and the cost of goals, and the long term effects of choosing them, or not. We can use this knowledge to tip the scales in favor of a goal, to make us willing to tackle the costs, the pain, the effort it is going to take, and make good decisions about the choices we make.
There have been several loud rings on my Wake Up Call telephone this week! The above quote really spoke to me, and the following articles just may be enough of a prod to get me to stretch a bit beyond my comfort zone. There are some things I’ve thought about trying, but to be honest, it’s been easier to not expend the effort they would require. To start down the path I truly desire, a path of my chosen direction, will require turning my back on that much easier path: the path of least resistance. Once you know what you want to do, and how to do it, you must commit to it. You must listen to the wake up calls and not the excuses!
A good place to start is with basic knowledge of Microsoft Office programs like MS Word.
Goodwill Community Foundation’s website, gcflearnfree.org, is an awesome free resource for learning Microsoft software programs (plus computer basics, typing, and a lot more.)
A charged life is a consciously designed existence that feels evenly engaged, energized, and enthusiastic.
Brendon describes three activators for each of five baseline drives, and five forward drives. He provides free resources at http://www.thechargebook.com/resources-downloads, including a one page productivity planner. He discusses using this tool to Control Workflow in the chapter on the Baseline Drive of Control. There are three parts to this form:
Top 3 projects and 3-5 biggest moves to make them happen.
People to contact today: a)waiting on a decision/information or b)need to share a decision/information.
Things that must be accomplished today.
Brendon’s advice to Control Workflow:
Begin with People, checking for and responding to only emails for those that fit the criteria. Then, close email and don’t check it again until the last hour of the day.
Next Produce by working on the priorities at the bottom of the page. If you finish those, ask “is there anything else I can do right now to move one of my big projects forward even faster and more effectively?”
His system requires self-discipline to avoid distractions! Ironically, as I checked for a summary of the book, I found a website so interesting I found myself spending a lot of time exploring it. Here is the summary of “The Charge” at sourcesofinsight.com.
This is just one of many ideas I got from this book. It provides a great framework to create a dashboard for a visual check of how you’re doing in personal development, and has made me aware of areas to improve and ways to create a more fully charged life.
Free Printable Charge Dashboard based on the book “The Charge” by Brendon Burchard. (pdf)
Music can really connect us with our emotions. An mp3 player can be like a time machine, transporting us to memories of experiences with people in another time, another place, and the feelings we felt. Recently a song came on my mp3 player, and I was once again gliding around the roller skating rink alongside my little boy while Whitney Houston sang “I Will Always Love You” as only she could. The words in the chorus so exactly capture the depth and strength of my love for my son.
One of the most popular posts here is about Identifying Emotions. It can sometimes be difficult to know what we are feeling, if we can access our feelings at all. Pain can cause us to numb our emotions, but the painful emotions are not all that is numbed. It can difficult to explore emotions, sometimes help may be needed. If you haven’t already seen the Brené Brown TED Talk on the Power of Vulnerability, I recommend it. Learn more about managing emotions with resources about emotional intelligence. Then consider exploring how the power of music can help to connect us with emotions.
Cindy Hoedel notes this connection in her article, “Music Makes My World Go ‘Round,” in the Kansas City Star Magazine. She also describes the power of music to lift a mood: “I use music like medicine, coffee or alcohol to induce good vibrations or calm the spinning wheel in my brain.” She mentions studies that show “The therapeutic value of music has been confirmed by research.”
Learn from the Experts:
Everything You’ve Always Wanted to Know About Personal Development*
*But Didn’t Know You Needed to Ask
I read this post from Michael Hyatt and I’ve been thinking about it ever since: Am I an expert on what I write about? Well, um, no. A lot of what I’ve learned has been in the school of hard knocks. (Although I have read and studied about a lot of it!) But can I point you to some Experts? Heck, yeah! So this week I’ve been at work compiling a list of experts for a guide to personal development.
For all areas, I asked myself the question: “If you could only read one book, or listen to one expert, which one would it be?” In many cases, there was a clear stand-out. But in some cases, it was impossible to pick only one. For example, there are far too many in the area of Home Helpers to pick only one. I’m certain there are good choices on the list, but I welcome suggestions for additions, especially in the areas of Financial, Recreational, Physical & Spiritual. The experts vary widely in how active they are on the Internet and how much they freely share. Some are sadly no longer with us. Most have at least one book, which you can probably borrow for free from your local library. So there’s no excuse not to learn!
A Year of Personal Development is just one activity a week, so it’s simple to do no matter how busy you are. Why not get growing and try just one simple activity?
The theme this week is THINK BIG! We watched a fascinating National Geographic show called “Madness in the White City.”
It’s actually a dark tale of how serial killer H.H. Holmes targeted victims during the Chicago World’s Fair in 1893. However, the stories that stuck out to me were about two other people who thought big.
Architect Daniel Burnham, designed and built the amazing “White City.”
“Make no little plans, they have no magic to stir men’s blood.” he said.
Then there was George Washington Gale Ferris, Jr., who was 33 years old when he designed and built the first Ferris Wheel for the Fair. The original Ferris Wheel had 36 cars, each fitted with 40 revolving chairs and able to accommodate up to 60 people, giving a total capacity of 2,160!
Tragically, he died at the age of 37.
I was reminded of a song that always makes me wonder about the possibilities of life: “World” by Five For Fighting. What kind of world do you want? What can you be doing to make it happen? Sometimes I need to think bigger.
In the world of the Daily PlanIt, there was a new post about the 6th Skill Employers Want, complete with resources for learning it. I also worked on organizing all the free tools I’ve been creating and collecting for many years. They had gotten a little jumbled up, kind of like tools thrown randomly into a toolbox. Hopefully now it’s a little easier to find the ones you need. The Free Tools page has always enjoyed the greatest popularity here. The free tools are now organized into productivity and goals, and I created new pages for Home Helpers and Personal Development tools. In other news, I let go of my first electronic organizer, a Palm T3 Tungsten pda. It was very cool in it’s day, but I was no longer using it. Finally, this Irish Proverb (fitting for St. Patrick’s Day) “You will never plow a field by turning it over in your mind” is a good reminder that nothing happens just by thinking about it!
The ability to analyze quantitative data is the sixth of the top ten skills employers are looking for. Quantitative analysis uses statistical methodology to arrive at objective, data-based conclusions. Here are some places to learn this skill.
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