Of all the skills involved in communication, one of the most critical is the ability to listen well. It is a vital element of both our work and personal lives, but it is not a skill that is often taught.

“We have two ears and one tongue so that we would listen more and talk less.” –Diogenes

We can listen at a faster rate (400 words per minute) than most people speak (about 125 words per minute), which makes it pretty easy for our attention to wander to other things. Add to that the many distractions that often exist, and it is no wonder that studies show that we’re distracted or preoccupied during about 75 percent of our conversations.

Many benefits come when you BEGIN to listen. Listening helps you to:

• Build relationships
• Excel at work
• Gain knowledge
• Increase enjoyment
• Navigate life

Be CLEAR to listen well:

• Concentrate attention
• Look to notice body language
• Evaluate emphasis in voice
• Ask questions to clarify
• Reflect and respond

“You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time.” –M. Scott Peck

Concentrate attention

Listening is focused attention. Think how well you would listen if someone was talking you through defusing a bomb! While it may not always be a matter of life or death, many mistakes are made through a lack of listening.

A large part of communication comes from body language and intonation.

“What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Look to notice body language

The movements of our bodies convey meaning. Learn how to understand body language to interpret nonverbal messages communicated through posture • proximity • eye contact • expressions • gestures.

Evaluate emphasis in voice

The verbal part of a message includes both content (spoken words) plus voice (paralanguage) [clarity • rate • intonation • volume • pitch] Intonation can convey: Emotions, Attitudes, Sentence structure, or Exaggeration. To see how intonation can change meaning, read the following sentence repeatedly, each time emphasizing a different word: “I never said she bought that car.” For another example, “What a great idea,” said with a falling intonation is a compliment, with a rising intonation it is sarcastic.

Ask questions to verify understanding, reflect and respond:
• Reflect “how do you feel about that?” “So you feel…” “It sounds like you…”
• Ask “can you tell me more about that?” “do you mean…?”
• Paraphrase, summarize “let’s see if I understand what you’re saying.” “is that accurate?”

Practice active listening with a partner. Download the Listening Skills and Listening Report Card pdfs from the Daily Planit, then take turns discussing the topic “something I’m really proud of is…” First demonstrate ineffective listening, then effective listening. (one minute of each)

Book and TED Talk:  I Want to Hear You by John Igwebuike, TED talk Strategies for active listening. (Amazon affiliate link provides a small commission that helps to support the Daily PlanIt)

More TED Talks: Conscious Listening, the sound of happiness, and 5 ways to listen better by Julian Treasure, The Power of Listening by William Ury, 10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation by Celeste Headlee

Watch videos: How to Improve Your Listening Skills from Litmos Heros (4:54) and a clip about active listening from Everybody Loves Raymond (3:00).

More places to learn listening skills:

• Active Listening activity at the Greater Good
• Listening Skills lesson at gcflearnfree.org
• Practice listening skills at British Council.
• Listening Skills at skillsyouneed.com
• Effective Listening at drnadig.com
• Active Listening at businessballs
• Active Listening at livestrong
• Listening with your heart as well as your ears pdf from Nebraska Extension
• Listening skills Pinterest board

Courses:

• Enhancing Communication through listening at SoftSkills
• $ Listening Skills 101 course at Universalclass

Learn more at the #1 Skill Employers Want: Communication.